wishful thinking...

So, my kids are all sick. Well, only 2 of them really, but it might as well be all three since we are stuck here in the house on our last week of freedom...I mean last week before school starts. :) Soooo, everyone's in bed and I need a new book to read and don't have one yet so I go to sit at my computer to look up stuff. "Stuff" usually ends up being female artists that are out doing what I'm trying to do but...more successfully, I suppose. Ugh! Why do I do this to myself? 1st, I go to Cindy Morgan's website to listen to her newly-penned songs and sink into the "geez, she is such an AMAZING songwriter and I'm not worthy..." Then I flip over to Christy Nockell's website and pine away wishing I could get her husband to produce an album for me. Wishful thinking. :) Or I go to the newly country-sounding point of grace website to hear them giggle and laugh at how busy they are with juggling mommy-hood and being on the road and doing interviews and making videos and touring and blah... blah...blah.. while I sit here and think...hmm... why can't I be that busy? why can't I juggle it all? Why can't I write a song that that's a hit and crosses over to country and then everybody wants to hear all my other stuff...why why why... and then I ask myself. WHY DO YOU DO THIS TO YOURSELF????
I drive myself crazy, really. Do not misunderstand. I am happy for these ladies. They are all very talented. I'm sure there are thousands more just like me wondering why it hasn't happened for them either. And then I think about my favorite songwriter of all time, Nichole Nordeman. One of the greatest songwriters, in my opinion. The funny thing about this chick is that she doesn't give a HOOEY about all of the stuff I just mentioned. I think all she ever really wanted was to just write songs for other people. She has disappeared off the map for the last few years. I can't find anything on the web about her or whether or not she's writing or what she's doing...and I think that's just how she likes it. Her record company has released 2 "best of" or "collection" cds since she has taken a break and I wonder if they are trying to fill the void. I believe that she could drop off the map for 10 years, raise her kids and then walk into a studio make a record and everyone who was ever a fan would clamor to buy it and she'd be back out on the road touring...if she wanted to.
How many people can do that really? Most artist try to keep their name/music out there so people don't forget about them and yet...there are some people we just can't seem to forget about. At least I can't. I admire and sometimes envy these artists that are thrust to the forefront and become very successful when they never really wanted that to begin with. And those that so desperately wish for it...can't seem to attain...such irony. Or is it? When it's all said and done, I'm sure it all boils down to the heart and it's motive...
Well, the world may never hear my music and and Nashville record labels may never "get" it...but I've got three little kiddos at home who think their 40-something Mommy is rock star so hey...in the words of one of my most favorite Cindy Morgan songs...How Could I Ask for More??? :)